Whatever you Do, DO NOT PISS OFF The COMMANDER!
by Devil's Final Cry
Summary: Commander Kira Shepard is having a really bad day. She can't sleep, her crew is fighting, she HATES the Illusive Man...Can anything make her day any worse? Yes, yes it can...
1. Bad Wake Up Call

**A/N: It's in first person because Kira Shepard is my character. :3 And to those who have read my other stories and are wondering why the hell am I not writing chapters for them...its because I'm having hard time writing about that topic... haha. Anyway. Enjoy! **

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**I woke up in cold sweat, that was all over my body. The sheets of my bed where messed up and tangled around my legs. One of my pillows were on the ground all torn up. I woke up with the same god damn nightmare that I've been having for the past three weeks.

"Shepard, you are wanted in the briefing room." EDI said over the intercom. Ever since Joker programed her to control the ship after the so lovely meeting with the freaking reapers, she doesn't pop up in my room. Which is a good thing, especially if you have a certain Drell in your room...

"I'll be down in a few..." I put my left arm over my eyes and groaned. I haven't been able to get good enough hours of sleep since my nightmares started.

I finally kicked myself out of my bed and got out of my silk shorts and tanktop pajamas. I got into my _nice, comfy CEBERUS_ clothing...Before leaving I fed my fish -these were my 4th bunch of fish that I bought...I kept on forgetting to feed them after missions... my space hamster named Arugula, and my lovely new kitten named Da Vinci, that Kasumi had gotten me for my birthday. Where and how she got it? I didn't bother asking.

By the time I got to the hallway of the briefing room, I could hear yelling. Jack's voice was the loudest of all the others. I put my forefingers on my temple and began to rub them. I couldn't understand _what _they were yelling about, but all I knew was that Jack was yelling at Miranda. They always do.

"Uh... Commander? I think you should intervene before anyone gets hurt." Joker said through the intercom. Although he did have a point, I was just not in the mood to be settling any disputes.

I sighed aggravated and entered the briefing room. I quickly ducked as a chair was bioticly thrown at my head.

"What the _HELL_ is going on in here?"

No answer. All I got were mixed of stares and mouths open. I folded my arms on my chest and gave everyone a disgusted look. They all now know that they just pissed off the commander. Their just lucky that I didn't have my pistol on me.

"I understand why there would be some tension before the god damn 'suicide' mission, but throwing things? I thought I recruited mature adults. Not immature teen agers!"

"...well the cheerleader started it." Jack mumbled.

"I don't give a damn who started it Jack! Whatever your arguing about ends now! I let out a heavy sigh. "Now get back to your stations..."

"Yes, commander" Everyone said and left the briefing room.

"Commander, the Illusive Man would like to have a word with you." EDI said popping up in front of me.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me..."

"No, I am not kidding."

"It was rhetorical..."

"Oh."

the briefing table went down, and I went in the middle, and what I like to call...digitalized.

"What do you want?" I asked angrily. I didn't...wait never mind. I did. I hated this guy.  
"Well hello to you too." I rolled my eyes. "I've got something that I would like you and your team to check out."

"What is it?"

"Not sure."

"So, wait... let me get this straight. You want _me_ to go find something that your not even sure _what _it is?"

"Yes, but we recently got a distress call of survivors of a ship that was supposed to have held no survivors at all."

"You lost me."

The Illusive Man inhaled and exhaled a puff of smoke. "The survivors are on the same planet, that I would like for you and your team to check out. So I want you to help the survivors and check out the planet to see if you find anything..._interesting_. I've already gave Mr. Monroe, the coordinates.

"Let me guess. Your not going to take 'no' for an answer are you?"

The Illusive Man smiled and then he was gone. I was by myself once again. I groaned and exited the briefing room.

"Joker, head to the coordinates that, that asshole gave you..."

"Aye, aye commander."

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**A/N: In my opinion Chapter two is more funny. But eh whatever...I have a tendency to write sad stories. :( REVIEW PLEASE! **


	2. Anything Worse?

**A/N: Yay! Another chapter up! :D I have the next chapter, I just have to type it. FYI Zorya is the planet where Zaeed's Loyal mission takes place. And Zaeed is a DLC (well I think he is anyways... haha) anyway Enjoy!**

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We took the shuttle to the planet Zorya, which was in the Faia System. Inside the shuttle, no one made a noise, even if it WAS cramped. No one wanted to talk for the most part. No, wait let me rephrase that. No one wanted to piss _me _off then they had already.

We landed roughly on the planet's jungle terrain. The hatched opened to Zorya's tropical area, which was very tropical. The planet was like Hawaii on Earth, just add more jungle, and heat. Although the heat was unbearable, especially in my armor. Note to self: Ask Mordin if he can make a nice AC armor or something.

"We'll split into two different groups...Thane and Kasumi are with me, because they don't argue like _two _of you. The rest of you have to decide for yourself who's the leader. The rest who aren't pick go back to Normandy. F.Y.I if anyone dies on this easy mission, I will kill the person who was responsible for their death. So that means you two," I pointed to Jack and Miranda, since their the ones who could kill each other if they were babysat. "You two should either work together, or go back to Normandy. I won't accept the fact that one person is on this mission while the other is on Normandy sulking. So if your going to be in the same team, I do NOT want to fucking hear arguing over the fucking radio. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Commander."

I walked away, so the others could figure out what to do without their lovingly commander to help them out.

"Shiha...you think that's a good idea?"

"Nope. But if they argue about it for more than a minute or two, I told Joker to get them back on the Normandy.

"You are evil, Shep." Kasumi said laughing.

I smiled. "I know."

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"Commander, I took Garus and Tali with me as the second team." Zaeed informed me through the radio. "The rest are on Normandy."

"Aww, the two teenagers aren't going to settle their dispute? That's too bad... Joker. You owe me three fifty credits."

"Damn it..."

"Commander, you're not going to like the base is here."

"I thought we destroyed the Blue Suns base..."

"We did, but they and others had rebuilt the place.

"Others? Let me guess... Blue Suns...Eclipse? And Blood Pack?"

"Yes. All three are here."

"ALL THREE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What? Is this 'Piss off Commander Kira Shepard Day' or Something?" I gesutred to the blue sky.

"Kira, are you crying?" Kasumi asked.

"No... Yes!" I started to weep. I used Kasumi's shoulder for comfort. She and Thane patted my armored back, or at least the few parts that were not covered by guns. I got back to my badass self, and wiped the rest of my tears away. "I so need a vacation... Zaeed. We'll meet you outside the entrance. Just whatever you do. Do NOT, I repeat _DO NOT _go shoot or go in the base first."

"Yes, Commander. May I ask why though?"

"Because I want to shoot those bastards first. And I because I said so." I sighed. "Move out."

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One of our teams -mine or Zaeeds- had accidentally triggered the attention of the mercs. Either that, they had gotten better technology and had caught our bickering and our landing. Anyway, Thane, Kasumi and I were three people with guns fighting hundreds of idiotic mercenaries. Three people fighting hundreds of mercenaries are annoying but not impossible...well if your Commander Shepard, it's not impossible...

I'm the kind of person who loves to snipe. So here I am, sitting up on a tree, that has a nice view and a nice place to shoot people, and not get caught. I'm sniping these bastards heads off one by one. And losing thermal clips one by one. Down on the ground, Kasumi was doing her thief/ninja skills on her enemies, while Thane was doing...Thanely stuff. Is it bad for me to be happy when shooting these guys heads off?

"Commander, Three Krogan coming."

"Damn it. I hate Krogans..."

"So you hate Grunt?" Kasmui asked.

"No, Grunts different. And he's on our side. Them? Not so much. These bastards who shoot me. Grunt? Never shoots me."

"Yet."

"Haha." I shot three times at a Krogan, all on the head. All I got was his barrier to go down. I got one more layer of armor to go before getting to his god damn health. By the time I killed him, I was out of thermal clips for my sniper rifle. "Damn it. I'm out of sniping." I jumped down and high kicked a merc that was a few feet away from me. I took out my heavy pistol and started to shoot while running to where Thane was taking cover.

"We're siting ducks, out here. Zaeed, where are you?"

"West of you." I looked to my west and saw three other shooters. It's not that hard to miss a Turian, and a Quiarian in a Jungle.

"Anyone got a missile or a grenade launcher?" I got my answer from Zaeed who used a gernade launcher. Making our life a lot easier and saves a lot of thermal clips.

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**A/N: What's good? What's bad? What you like? What you didn't like? Review! :3**


	3. From Worse to Fing Terrible

**A/N: WARNING WARNING! DRAMA ENTERING DRAMA ENTERING. What did you expect to me? No Drama? What humor can't have Drama? 3 P.S: Sorry for the short chapter. :/**

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In the base were thousands of mercs, than there was outside. And for some reason they were a lot easier to kill. Although that usually means that their boss is going to be a pain in the ass to kill. Add that to my worse day ever. After killing every member, all we had to do was look for survivors -which I highly doubt there is any, and the Illusive Man just sent us here to do his dirty work. Oh, wait. The whole suicide mission is freaking dirty work, what am I talking about?

Anyway, the assholes were hiding in a room way in the back, like they usually do. But we decided to find these so called "survivors" and look for ammo along the way, since we were really running low. So here, we are touch dead men guns...it was creepy, even though we've done this millions of times. And there were a few times that I jumped into Thane's arms, because I thought I seen a body move. Which I did!

While checking the base...TWICE, we found nothing. Not even these survivors, or the thing that the IM told me to look for, but even he didn't know what it was. This should be another reason why I should find him and kill him, other than the fact that he almost made me get killed TWICE.

We stormed the room where the bosses were. We were looking at three men with guns pointing towards five crew of mine crew members, and one pissed off Commander Kira Shepard.

"Why don't you guys drop your weapons and scram?" I said giving them an evil glare. I was hoping that they would leave, so I didn't have to negotiate. But I really highly doubt that their going to do either of that.

"Why don't you?" The Blue Suns leader said. Since I wasn't my usual mood of negotiating, I shot the poor bastard. WE took cover behind cargo while the room was filled with shots from the three men. We could hear their lower ranks come in the room from the side rooms. My team looked at me, and they know me well enough. They know that I usually negotiate, rather than shoot.

"What? I'm not in a negotiating mood..." So we were doing the same thing over and over again. Shoot, take cover, us reave, shoot, and so on. Their barriers were gone, but their stupid armor was being a pain in the ass to get rid of. And we were losing more thermal clips. Why can't there ever be any thing called EVER LASTING AMMO? (Note to self: ask Mordin about creating ever lasting ammo.)

"Augh!" Thane screamed in pain. He dropped his gun and put his hand over his right shoulder.

"Thane!" I screamed, going by his side. Blood was oozing out of his wound like a flood. Thane's green scale face went pale. We began to sweat bullets, and was breathing heavily. No matter what Kasumi and I did (the others were covering our backs), the bleeding wouldn't stop. "God damn it. You are not dying on me!"

My day just went from worse to fucking terrible.

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**A/N: Review! :3**


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